We all get the urge to influence others’ decisions from time to time. Most of us have this desire because we like to help our loved ones.
However, there are people with not so pure heart. Their desire is produced and driven by some materialistic gain.
There are individuals trained to the art of manipulation since the first hierarchy was created.
Some manipulate people for the right reasons some for other reasons.
There are ways you can prevent this from happening to you.
How to Spot a Manipulator?
These are the 10 “piece of cake” ways how to spot a manipulator which will make you a “hunter” instead of a “prey”
1. Lower your guard and act naive
If you want to play the manipulator you should act naive. Naive people are breath of fresh air for manipulators so they’ll be more obvious when they deal with naive fishes. This is 101 how to spot a manipulator.
The key is to have fun. A manipulator will try to find your weakness. Act naive and let the manipulator think he/she is fooling you. Act surprised, give compliments, and give them space to “attack”. Once you are “hit” with their true intent you’ll know who they really are.
2. Observe the difference in behavior when with other people
Manipulators are usually masters of blending with the crowd. If they are with a group of people who eat meat they’ll be anti vegetarians and if they are with vegetarians they’ll act like they understand why eating meat is wrong.
When you make a conversation with a suspicious individual start a conversation about something you are “anti” and keep a strong position.
If he/she agrees with you on the subject bring him in a group of people who are “pro” about what you said you are “anti”. This is all a test. You have made a deal with your friends to express their “pro” opinion and observe the standing of the potential manipulator.
3. A manipulator will always try to make you feel guilty
When we feel guilty we lose self confidence and lean unto the first confident being we see. We give the power of free will and making a choice into their hands. We give the responsibility of our life in someone else’s back.
This is all that a manipulator needs. If he/she has the wheel of your boat they can sail wherever they want to. Let guilt be your trigger sign. If you feel guilt, try gaining more self confidence instead of depending on others’ confidence.
4. Be a realist and ask for the facts
Bing a realist is crucial for survival. It is not that if you are realist you cannot hope for the best, or you will not expect the worst, it is a unity of the best from the both. You will see behind the illusion and coordinate your action by the TRUTH.
When a manipulator tells a “story” they usually skip all the other facts and linger to that 1 or 2 facts which benefit their cause. Your job is to make them tell you the worst case scenario and create your own story based on the unity of both scenarios.
5. Know your rights so you’ll know when someone is violating them
You have the right to express your feelings, opinions and wants.
You have the right to set your own priorities.
You have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty.
You have the right to get what you pay for.
You have the right to have opinions different than others.
You have the right to take care of and protect yourself from being threatened physically, mentally or emotionally.
You have the right to create your own happy and healthy life.
Don’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t respect even 1 of them.
6. Question the intent behind the story
This story is always packed with a little call to action. This is usually a small amount of money or a VERY large amount of money, your physical energy and not so often some other material possession.
When you stumble upon a “story” like this don’t be automatically repulsed. There are some AMAZING opportunities you’ll stumble upon in your life VERY similar as the manipulator’s “story”. However, it is your right to question the intent behind the “story”. Ask what do they gain, because let’s face it, no one will come and help you if that’s not benefiting them somehow.
7. “Bite” and then act unreachable
Let’s say someone is telling you that if you enter in their organization you will benefit a lot. Let’s not get into details. OK. So “if I benefit a lot thank you for telling me, I will certainly enter.”
They are happy, you are happy, it’s all sunshine and rainbows. This is how you “bite”, but it is ok. You must “bite” to see if someone is fishing you.
If the person is so kind to give you advice on how to benefit your lifestyle that’s awesome, they did their job and now it’s up to you as that’s your life. Become unreachable for a couple of days. If the person is doing all he/she can to reach you and convince you to accept, joining in this hypothetical case, they don’t want to help your life they want YOU to help theirs.
8. Let them talk
This can be actually pretty fun. A manipulator usually starts with a quick chit chat. They’ll talk about the weather, they’ll crack up a joke or 2, they may even be “interested” in what’s been happening to you.
But almost anyone starts a conversation like this, what differs the manipulator? God bless you for asking. If you keep on listening and leave them talk, manipulators will steer the conversation to the “business”. This will not happen with everyday friends, it usually gets awkward if you just listen and smile.
If you continue to be quiet and listen manipulators will always invite you to take an action about what they’ve been “secretly” offering you. If you want to raise the FUN keep on listening and smiling. You won’t believe how people act in those situations.
9. Be 100% honest and express what you feel
Be 100% honest with yourself and everyone. Tell your weaknesses before they even start talking. Express your feelings. Be a human simply said. Be you.
A manipulator is unable to be honest because he is trying to manipulate you. Use this against them. Become their psychiatrist and ask deep questions about THEM after you’ve opened your heart. A manipulator will never make a “deep” conversation, they’ll do anything to avoid it. This is your trigger sign.
10. Make your purpose and needs a priority
Sooner or later we will always stumble upon a manipulator. From door to door sellers to emails about million dollar transfers it is impossible to avoid them. However, we must understand that they are also people who try to make money to live better.
They are on the other side of this “game”, they train how to be manipulators so they’ll sell more. This doesn’t mean the product they sell is s**t. It may actually REALLY benefit you and your life.
What is crucially important is to KNOW YOUR PURPOSE in life. Know what you really need. Know Thyself.
If you are not buying a product you need, on a discount, because a manipulator is selling it to you it is worse than letting yourself be manipulated in that instance. You are going against your own purpose and needs.
Also, when you know your purpose there are no manipulators, there are only people who can benefit your cause and all the others.
At the end of the day it is not about “have you been manipulated or don’t”. That’s a weak EGO’s business.
At the end of the day is about “have you done something to improve your life or not”. It’s not about the imaginary scoreboard.
It’s about “are you walking towards the direction of your purpose”, “are you following the path your heart points at”.
Have you ever been manipulated in your life? I would love to hear your experiences as I have been a couple of times. Write in the comments below!
THE CODE <If you use the 10 ways to spot a manipulator you’ll be aware, defend before they abuse you, and use manipulators for your benefit>