There was a dream I’ve dreamed before all of this, a dream I’ll share with you. I dreamed of a plane..….
Everybody are on board. Only I try to get in time to board the plane with everybody I care in my life. But, the plane leaves, it flies away. Everybody leaves me. The plane flies into the most beautiful scenery I can dream of.
I am watching the plane that left with everyone I care about.
The sun sets and it makes kind of a purple color over the sea so it looks kind of magical, like in the great stories. Like in The Great Happy Endings where there is overly-happy 80’s music in the background while the plane flies away.
I know that the plane is going somewhere where it is only happiness and fun. Where the dreams and our biggest wishes are reality. In that place which we imagine whenever we think of a getaway to some deserted island or far far away country where the troubles disappear and what’s left is only you, your loved ones, and happiness.
Suddenly there is a storm behind me, a storm that shakes the ground. I am left alone in the storm. With no one to hold on to and nothing to hold on to. Without a purpose.”
I’ve dreamed this dream for quite a long time. Every time I tried to get in but I was always too late! The plane always left without me! Whenever I woke up from this dream I was sweaty and scared, I felt like I was really left alone and there was no purpose in my life. But then I realized something:
“When we don’t get what we want, WE TRY HARDER UNTIL WE DO”. Here is the second part of the dream that I expanded after I realized this…..
I stand there. Broken, with no place to go, lost. I can almost feel the cold, sharp wind blowing, and the sound it makes, like angry god.
It’s not the rain, or the wind, or the dark sky that is bothering me, it’s the fu**ing empty space. It’s the thing that wherever direction I go, I won’t be with the people I love to be there with.
I can’t find a meaning to anything without them. I can’t love or hate anything. I am just a broken shell of a man that is lost. I looked at my hands. I looked deeply. At my palms. Right at the lines that shape your palm. I saw the beginning of the line.
Slowly I was starting to fill up with anger. That hand didn’t deserve to be here, the other one too. My head, my legs, my torso, my neck, organs, nails, hair. Not single thing of them deserved to be left alone.
My heart that was beating all of those years, for what, for nothing, well I don’t think so. I was angrier and angrier. An anger that makes your fear fade away.
I started looking up. I started pressing my teeth. I made my palms into punches. I started screaming, screaming so hard that it sounded like a fu**ing explosion.
I screamed at the rain, at the wind. I started running towards one direction with a devil’s look on my face. Once in a while I punched the wind and the rain.
I kept running towards nowhere and I wasn’t ready to stop until my legs break, my hands break from crawling, my teeth break from biting the ground, my head breaks from hitting it. I think I was giving the dream a scare… until a sun ray, just, pass near me.
Suddenly the storm was calming.
The sun was rising. I could see the plane landed. Some of the people boarding off it. I haven’t missed anything. I still made it. Than a warm feeling went through me. I realized it was up to me. It was up to me to find a reason to believe. A reason to believe that I deserve my wishes to come true.
It was me who didn’t believe in my dreams. Who didn’t believe that I deserve everything my heart desires.”
It is always up to us. It is hardest to make yourself believe that you deserve something your heart wishes, and it is the most important! I woke up, I never dreamed that dream again.
THE CODE <When we don’t get what we want we try harder until we do>