The 5 Ingredients You Need to Build Your Leadership Skills (Part 5)


If you’ve been with us so far on our Leadership Ingredients journey, you need to know this: I’ve kept the best for last!

[If you haven’t read about them go and get up to date with this one: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.]

The ingredient we are talking about today is the one that makes all successful leadership journeys happen: emotional intelligence.

Here’s why I’m saying this…

“Emotional intelligence is the difference that makes the difference. A lack of emotional intelligence is what limits some people in their ability to manage themselves, manage others, or manage situations.”

— J.D. Meier, Director of Innovation at Microsoft

The 5 Ingredients for Leadership:
Ingredient 5 –
Emotional Intelligence!


A recent study of the Chartered Institute for Personnel and Development in the UK (CIPD) says that:

‘Nearly as much as 80% of the reasons why careers are derailed can be traced to weaknesses in Emotional Intelligence.’

The good news? Emotional Intelligence is a skill we can all work on and improve.

So, how do we do that?

First things first: let’s define emotional intelligence (more than 15 years of working with lawyers taught me we need to define things before we start to talk about them!).

What is emotional intelligence?

In a nutshell, it’s about how you feel, how others around you feel.

Knowledge of Emotional Intelligence helps you identify what feels good and bad and how to change.

It’s all about maintaining an emotional awareness and sensitivity, and developing the skills that will help you to stay positive.

It is all a dynamic process of learning skills to understand yourself and others!

The original theory of Emotional Intelligence was first identified and developed by two American Psychologists, Peter Salovey and John Mayer, who, in 1990, defined this as a learned ability to perceive, understand and express our feelings accurately and to control our emotions so that they work for us, not against us.

The term Emotional Intelligence was made popular by psychologist Daniel Goleman who defines it as the ability to:

1. Recognize, understand and manage our own emotions and,

2. Recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others.

“In practical terms, this means being aware that emotions can drive our behavior and impact people (positively and negatively), and learning how to manage those emotions – both our own and others.

— Daniel Goleman

So, what do we need to look at to develop our emotional intelligence?

Here are the 4 dimensions you need to be aware of and practice to keep building that muscle:

Remember, our skills are just like muscles: they need to be trained regularly so that they grow and stay in shape.

It’s just like going to the gym: we can’t expect we go to the gym once a year and be fit! We go and do our exercises regularly.

The same applies to our skills, they need practice to develop, grow and stay in shape.

1. Self Awareness:

Emotional Self Awareness.

Accurate Self Assessment.

Self Confidence.

2. Self Management:

Emotional Self Control.





3. Social Awareness:


Organisational Awareness.

Service Orientation.

4. Relationship Management:

Developing Others.

Inspirational Leadership.


Change Catalyst.

Conflict Management.

Teamwork and Collaboration.

You will have noticed one thing: it all starts within. It starts with Self-awareness.

The mistake I see people especially at the beginning of their leadership journey making is this: they focus on building successful relationships. And they struggle.

They get frustrated when this doesn’t work the way they thought it would. Then they give up and simply change the place where they operate, they are changing jobs because of that is something I’ve often seen happening, only to bump into the same issue later on.

Because they started in the wrong place.

Start with yourself.

The minute I am aware of how I react, which behaviors I want to keep and which ones I need to change, that’s when real change can happen.

Self awareness is what helps us all realize what our strengths are and what our weaknesses are that cause us problems. And then we can start fixing them.

Then we can self manage. Then we can CHOOSE to change one behavior with another one that’s more helpful for us and the others around us.

Then, and only then, can we expect to genuinely build on empathy and create healthy and sustainable relationships with others.

Doesn’t it all make more sense now, when we say that success comes from within?

That said, pick and choose the ingredients that help you build your own successful leadership path.

And, whatever ingredients you choose, in whichever quantities, remember to always add the essence first: yourself.

Lead different!

To start building your Emotional Intelligence skills muscles, check out the All Personal Emotional Intelligence for Game-Changing Leaders online course ( or the Leadership Bundle with all the essential leadership ingredients we discussed in this series:

If you want to dive deeper into these 5 ingredients you can also watch the LEADERSHIP MASTERCLASS we have cooked for you on YouTube:

Roxana Radulescu is the Founder of "All Personal", a bespoke training, coaching and consulting company that works with emerging leaders around the globe, to help them become dream bosses, build dream teams and game-changing cultures! Check out her Online leadership programs: She is a TEDx speaker, certified adult learning trainer and Master Coach, and a certified GCologist®. She holds a diploma in Learning & Development and a certificate in Human Resources from the Chartered Institute for Personnel and Development in the UK. Having worked in international Magic Circle law firms for 16 years and having led the firmwide Learning & Development department for 8 years, she started her consulting business in 2017. Roxana has also designed and delivered the Workplace Culture and Communication program at York University and College Boreal in Toronto. She is also an author of online courses and e-books available on award-winning e-learning platforms!