Our children are our greatest treasure and sometimes, because we love them so much we make dangerous mistakes. One of the most dangerous mistakes is being too strict with your children.
By being too strict with our children we install fear in their minds; fear of expressing their uniqueness with the world and especially with the ones they trust the most – us, the parents.
I know it is easier to control your kid if you are strict, but in the long-term it will cause a lot more problems than reasoning with your child. It is hard to reason with a child but it is not impossible.
Understand that children don’t know the half of the things you are afraid of or the dangers of the world around them. They are full of wonder and they only know how to follow their soul’s purpose – their passion.
Fear doesn’t exist in their minds yet to limit their actions. That’s why they sometimes do foolish things.
You are there to prevent that from happening but not by making them afraid. No, instead use love to steer your kid towards safety.
Just lower yourself on the child’s level and try to explain why you say the things you say. Make sure your arguments are not driven by fear but instead of love.
What is the difference between love and fear?
Fear limits your reality between the dangers of the world; Love sets you free to explore the world despite the dangers – this is courage.
Fear forbids; Love gives; Fear tells what not to do; Love tells what you should do; Fear is The Dark Side of Love and only by going beyond fear we can get to the other side where love is.
Instead of screaming to your kid, ordering, or forbidding him/her to do something create positive energy through love and use that energy to create something your kid can do, something that it is fun but it is safer.
Sometimes it is necessary to be strict and that’s not bad. But always, after being strict with your kid, clean the air.
Do something fun, tell jokes, make your kid laugh and play with you. Being strict once in a while is not wrong as long as you reconnect with your kid on a level of love.
Here are 15 things you should carefully question yourself if you are doing any of them. If you recall a situation where you acted like any of the examples, approach your kid and try to reconnect with love.
1. You make too many rules
Eating healthy food, sleeping on time and cleaning their hands before they eat is more than fine. Addressing you with sir, while standing straight, is just egoism.
2. Your threats are over the top
“I won’t buy you chocolate if you don’t eat your dinner” is fine. “I’ll whoop you’re a** with this piece of wood” is enslavement.
3. Your rules overstep your parental boundaries
You telling your kid to knock before he/she opens the door of the bathroom or your bedroom is teaching good manners but if you don’t show those things through your behavior, that’s just hypocrisy.
4. Your love is conditional (or your words make it sound that way)
“I don’t love you if you don’t respect me” – This is what’s wrong with the world! You cannot put limits on love, and especially not on the love towards the most precious thing in your life. Respect doesn’t give love, and love doesn’t necessarily give respect.
5. You don’t watch your words
Your words penetrate your kid deeper than you think. Even if you don’t mean them they leave a scar in your child’s sub-consciousness.
6. You don’t put in time
Teach your children about things but don’t expect them to change overnight. Put time on your child’s development. Even a plant needs time to grow into a beautiful flower.