Ahhhhh it’s that time of the year again. The time when everything is a little bit more magical, when people are a little bit kinder and our tummies a little bit fuller.
We all love Christmas, it’s that time of the year when almost every person around the world shares love, kindness and hospitality. We all remind ourselves what is like to be a human and we all remember What Really Matters at The End of The Day.
But, putting this aside, this time of the year can be pretty stressful, tense and annoying. We all get together with family and share our experiences, memories, hopes, dreams, and relationship statuses.
Family is most important, yes, but sometimes family can be a real pain in the a**.
Older members expect your lifestyle to be as their was 60 years ago when black and white TV was science fiction and nothing you tell to justify your actions will make sense to them. Your mother and father suddenly start exploring their second puberty, your older brother messes around with you and your sister has a better love life.
Family time can be pretty messy because family is the fundament of your character and even the slightest change or memory can mess up who you have become today. But after all, they are your family and family always comes first, so you must deal with them. Here is how to deal with family on Christmas.
Know Who You Are
First you must come clean to yourself who you are. You must know the person you have become and accept every flaw you have with the bottom of your heart. Resolve every unresolved issue or painful memory that weights you down and makes you vulnerable.
Ask yourself “Who I was? Who I have become? Who do I want to be?” in 3 separate pieces of paper and write everything that comes to your mind without much thinking. Face the differences and acknowledge your change. Face your insecurities and try to understand why you feel insecure about them. Separate positive things from negative things and decide what you’ll do to overcome the negative ones on your list.
After you have a pretty clear idea of who you are, and after you have accepted everything that may be unintentionally used by your family causing you pain, you are free to go. Your character is bulletproof and nobody can make you question who you are.
Let Them Be
Second, you must take in consideration their change. Understand that We are All Constantly Changing. Every day we are discovering and learning something new without even noticing. All of that has an influence on who we are and who we want to become.
Our desires change, our wishes change, we experience new things, old memories fade, we implement new habits, new beliefs, we make small changes in our lifestyle, we change along with the whole world the best way we can. So know that if you haven’t seen you family in a while, they will be changed in a way.
When you meet with your family let them express their change, get to know them once again. Don’t be limited by who you thought they were and don’t be scared of discovering who are they now. They will always be your family and they will always be those funny and weird heroes you looked up when you were growing up. Nothing will change that.<!– nextpage– >
They lived a different lifestyle back in their days when different options were available creating a different culture. So many cool things then are lame today, but for them, those things made some beautiful memories.
You can never understand how cool those things were as much as they can never understand how cool today’s things are. Don’t get mad by their different points of view because their perspective was shaped in a different time then yours. Just sit back, listen to their stories and wander through time. After all, isn’t it amazing so many points of view sharing thoughts over particular topic?
Engage a Meaningful Conversation
Fourth, don’t get stuck in fights over Topics Like Religion or politics. Those topics are far too complicated to waste your time, while you are with your family. Also, once you start speaking about them you open a lot more insignificant topics and instead of swimming in the warmth of your family, you swim in bulls**t.
If someone else starts a similar subject just try to change the subject, or tell a joke. Jokes are the best way to steer a conversation in different direction. Tell a story, something interesting that happened to you or speak of a memory that will engage the members of your family into a conversation about your family.
Ask questions about them, get to know them, get to know what are their current dreams and desires. Instead of you being the one who is asked, take the wheel in your hands and discover things you really want to know about them.
Finally, speak your heart. Open yourself before they force open you. Say what is bothering you, what you’ve always wanted to change and what you felt was wrong. Say if your brother’s jokes hurt you or if your family expectations promote negative feeling in you.
Stop being afraid and open yourself. Let your thoughts and emotions flow and be who you are. If you cannot manage to be who you are with your family, how can you possibly be who you are in the world.
They are your family and before all they are humans. No human wants to see other honest human in misery. It’s when we try to be something we are not that others subconsciously test how far we can go and hurt us in the process. But if we are honest sooner or later we’ll get an honest advice from people who love us the most.
THE CODE <To deal with your family at the table the first thing you need to do is deal with yourself, know who you are and let them be who they are, engage a meaningful conversation, be honest and whatever you do always remember to have fun>