“I feel so good right now, something is suspicious!”
Is that you?
If that’s how you think whenever you feel happy for longer than usual, you are not the only one.
In fact, we all feel this way.
I remember that every time I would feel happy it’s like I wait for the enemy to show up.
I keep my eyes wide open, I feel like it’s a trap.
“Something is not right!”
If everything was right, I thought that something was really wrong.
I was like that until I had a conversation with my coach over a webinar.
And he said something that changed the way I see emotions and how I approach my emotions and feelings.
He said, “there are no positive or negative emotions!”
“This very notion of Positive and Negative emotions is at the cause of most our suffering, we are resisting one group and mindlessly chasing the other… so any time we feel happy, we don’t really enjoy it, we try to hold on to it, to protect it, to defend how we feel… and what ends up happening? We don’t even fully experience the happiness we are given because we are terrified of losing it.”
We are resisting the “negative” emotions so much that we do not fully experience the positive ones!
And life passes like this.
We are in constant defense mode against the very nature of life just because we assume one side is right and the other is wrong.
What I realized and helped me the most is learning that Emotions are messengers.
They are not FOR or AGAINST you. They are messages. They are ALL beneficial for you if you know how to listen to their message.
Fear protects you.
There are two types of fear, realistic and unrealistic.
Realistic fear shows up when your life is in real danger. Example, a bear attacks you.
Unrealistic fear shows up when you are approaching the edges of your comfort zone. Example, public speaking.
Both fears protect you, one protects your life, the other protects your identity.
Use unrealistic fear as a guide to see the edges of your comfort so you’ll know in what direction you can grow towards.
Anger defends your boundaries.
When you experience anger it means that someone crossed your boundaries.
Sometimes anger is a mask for fear. But more often than not it’s just pure anger, a signal that someone stepped on your boundaries.
It can be someone else, an event, or even your self by not meeting your own needs.
Anger’s message is to defend your boundaries, to stand your ground and meet your needs. Use its message, but change the unhealthy behavior.
Sadness shows you the depth of your heart.
When you are sad you are being told what really matters to you in life. This message is powerful.
Life has innate sadness in the background. As you see all the beautiful moments inevitably fleeting you will feel sad.
Sadness shows you what are the things, the few ones, that mean a lot to you. Sadness shows you your depth.
Sadness shows you your humanity. Sadness is your guide to your truth. Sadness can be beautiful if you do not resist it.
Anxiety checks if you are prepared.
Whenever you feel anxious you can do two things, pretend everything is fine and avoid facing your anxiety, or reevaluate yourself.
Did you prepare enough? Did you finish all your tasks? Can you learn something else to better prepare?
Anxiety is just your overprotective friend making sure you are safe, prepared and that you do not forget something really important.
Envy tells you what you really desire.
If you envy someone, do not judge yourself. It’s a message, it tells you what is a desire that you have.
Instead of judging yourself, or suppressing envy until it becomes its destructive brother, jealousy, use it as a guide to see what you really desire.
Once you acknowledge what you desire, do not pretend you do not like that thing, find healthy ways and try to get some of it for yourself, of course, if that desire leads you towards something harmless to you and others.
But if it’s something that threatens a relationship, your health, or someone else’s well being, use its urge to train your discipline.
Acknowledge your nature but show it that you are the boss, at the end of the day you decide what you are going to do.
Guilt is a reminder to learn and do better.
Whenever you feel guilty, you are getting a signal from your own being that something you’ve done is against your code that you honor.
Use guilt, not to punish yourself, but to learn.
The guilt itself doesn’t want to punish you, but to teach you to be a better human being, more aligned with what you honor.
Shame shows you the distortion between you and your ideal self.
If you feel shame, it means that you’ve done something not aligned with who you imagine your ideal self to be.
Sometimes we have to do something that makes us vulnerable to become our ideal self, so look closely at what you are ashamed of. It might be a wrong message, one that comes from the ego.
Use shame as a guide to see what are the sharp edges of your character that need polishing. But once you get its message, there’s no reason to keep it within.
“Emotions are always guiding you to become your best self, if you know how to listen to their message!”
EACH emotion tells you something to help you become the best version of yourself, to align yourself with your purpose and thrive.
Emotions are messages from your Wise Teacher, the one that follows you every step of your journey, and gently guides you, your soul.
But what do most people do?
We either Resist our emotions or React to them.
Rarely when we LISTEN to their message.
And resisting “negative” emotions is at the root cause of most mental illnesses today.
It prevents you to fully feel the whole spectrum of life. To paint with all the colors.
If you want to be free to experience the so called “positive” emotions, you have to EMBRACE all emotions.
That’s the rule!
If you resists one emotion, you resist a piece from all emotions.
Emotions don’t like discrimination!
You better accept all their brothers and sisters, or you will keep experiencing the plastic version of each.
Resisting “Negative” emotions is one of the main causes for holding on to trauma. When you understand that emotions are not dangerous and all emotions mean well, the intensity of your resistance decreases.
There is a practice called Dialectical Behavior Therapy that aims at exactly this, to help people lower their resistance against the not so pleasant emotions.
This practice of dealing with “Negative” emotions is nicely described by BetterHelp in their article about Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
3 things you should remember:
All emotions are good!
All emotions carry a message for your benefit!
All emotions are guiding you to become your Best Self!
How to Use This Article?
👉 Step 1. Realize that all emotions mean well and guide you towards becoming your best self.
👉 Step 2. Embrace all emotions, the pleasant and the unpleasant ones, surrender, feel, listen and release.
👉 Step 3. Keep practicing feeling instead of escaping your emotions, and you’ll get better at feeling.
All the knowledge on the planet will not help you if you do not take action.