“How can you have charisma? Be more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than you are making them feel good about you.” — Dan Reiland
Think about the people you admire. They have this special something that almost pulls others towards them, like a magnet.
This is what charisma does. It’s a special flavor certain individuals have that inspires devotion in others.
However, this flavor has a science behind it and it can be reverse engineered. Charisma can be learned, trained and embodied by anyone.
What charisma is really, is a result of certain character traits that other people find subconsciously attractive.
These character traits are developed by certain people unintentionally. However, as we said, anyone can learn to develop charisma. Here is how.
5 Ways How To Be More Charismatic:
1. Start listening to what they say.
When most people listen to what you say, they listen with an intention to reply, not to actually hear you.
People want to be heard. You want to be heard, right? But in order to be heard you need to first give others a chance to be heard.
People who have charisma are often the people who are the best listeners. They are not in a hunt for approval. They actually want to converse.
When you speak with someone, and when they start to talk, try to be present with what they say. Do this instead of thinking what to reply.
Just making this simple change to listen when other people speak and try to actually hear what they try to say will give you so much charisma.
2. Do not force the conversation.
As we converse with others, especially with friends, we often try to control the flow of the conversation.
So when a topic we want to talk about has flown into something else, most of us try to bring back the subject. Stop doing this. Let things flow.
When you get inspired to talk about something that’s when you should talk about it. As the flow of the conversation moves, you should move with it.
Because if you try to control the flow, you try to force what everyone involved in the conversation should speak about, and that’s kind of lame.
Learn to trust the bigger mind that all of you constitute as you converse. Trust its flow. It’s so much easier for others to speak with you this way.
3. Give value.
The default of most people who are not very charismatic is ‘what can I take’ mentality. Really charismatic people have ‘what can I give’ mentality.
Just think about how you feel around people who always make it about themselves, who always try to get something from you.
Most people live this way. They live in scarcity and for them every single interaction is about what they can gain from it.
Now think about those individuals who fill you up with positivity and energy whenever you are around them. Do they try to take anything?
These people live in abundance and they know that they can always give something. You can always give some value. Shift to this mentality.
4. Learn to tell jokes.
Who doesn’t want a good comedian, right? We all love those people who know how to tell a good and funny story.
And the truth is telling a joke is not a given talent, it’s an art form that can be trained and learned as a skill.
Watch videos about good storytelling and comedy. Take a course about how to tell funnier jokes. Watch other comedians.
You don’t have to become a stand up comedian, you just have to improve your joke telling slightly so you have more confidence when you speak.
This confidence and improved humor will give you so much charisma that others will crave to hear you speak whenever you go out with them.
This one is probably the simplest tweak you can make, and it’s probably the one that will make the biggest change.
Smiling is so underrated it’s ridiculous. It’s proven that just a slight smile drastically increases your attraction.
Think about the people you admire, the people you find charismatic and positive. How often do you see a smile on their face?
Most charismatic people smile often. They might laugh a lot, they might not, but they always have this confident smile. It’s a result of their charisma.
In order to reverse engineer charisma you should start with smiling more often. People love to be around happiness. With time it will become natural.