Making a relationship work requires a lot of effort. It’s a constant learning experience with a lot of will and tolerance from both sides.
Learning the lessons from others is easy but hard to apply in real life situations. Nevertheless, learning the things that can make a relationship worthwhile is a necessity you need to do if you want to make your relationships last and be stronger.
Some of these lessons is learning the things that have the potential to destroy your relationships.
There is one 2 headed sneaky habit that we are all guilty of doing. But we are rarely consciously doing it, it’s a subconscious urge fueled by our ego.
Here, we are going to address it as 2 separate habits for the purpose of understanding the core of it better.
2 Sneaky Subconscious Habits That Destroy Your Relationships and Self Image:
1. Judging yourself.
The one sneaky habit that can ruin most of your relationships is the subconscious tendency to judge your actions negatively.
Instead of asking for the intentions behind your actions, you tend to focus on regrets and guilt. By overly judging ourselves we miss the whole point of judgment.
Judging is a psychological tool to dig out the intentions behind our actions, see the error and better ourselves.
Instead, we are using judgment as a reassurance that we are perfect and feel bad when we are not.
There are 3 consequences from judging yourself that damage your relationships:
– It lowers your self confidence.
– It makes you self centered.
– It creates a negative perspective that you project upon others.
Judging yourself over and over again results to unhappiness and dissatisfaction. When you are unhappy and negative unto yourself, you are projecting that upon the world.
When you are obsessed with seeing the flaws within yourself, you see the flaws in everything around you and in your relationships.
That’s how Judging Yourself leads to the second sneaky habit that ruins your relationships!
2. Judging your partner or others.
There are two reasons why you tend to judge a person:
1. You are judging their actions without putting into consideration the intentions behind the actions.
2. You are having high expectations from them.
Judging someone’s actions without looking into the intentions behind them and trying to understand the other person a little better creates distorted images in our minds. This is damaging to any relationship, especially if you are doing this to your partner.
By not looking into the intentions, most of us are assuming that those intentions are negative. It instantly qualifies others as bad people.
Expecting too much from a relationship is killing it slowly. You based your actions on irrational thinking.
When you expect too much from people, you are satisfying only your needs and wants. You forget that other people have also their own needs and wants.
A relationship that works is one where there is a balanced amount of give and take. When you only take and rarely give, you will soon deplete the other person’s emotional resources.
Because of this imbalance, the relationship will soon crumble and fall. The more you expect for more, the more you feel unfulfilled.
How to Stop Overly Judging Yourself and Everyone Else?
Judging yourself, others and the whole world is fueled by your ego. In order to win the battle of the will and protect your relationships, you have to overcome your ego.
Let not your ego take its toll on your relationships. Think rationally and, above all, listen to your partner. Know the intentions behind their actions.
Before you allow your ego to choose the action you are going to take, think about the times your partner have been kind to you and how they add meaning to your life.
Think why you are in the relationship in the first place. Remember, judging yourself, your partner or others is preventing yourself from having a happy life.
Be always aware of the sneaky subconscious habits, let them be a trigger for your awareness. And be aware of these 3 universal truths that will defuse your tendency to judge:
– Nobody is perfect;
– You are guilty of something that others are not judging you for;
– Even though we are not perfect, humans have loved and tolerated each other’s flaws for centuries;
You may stumble at times and fall unto the urge to judge, but that’s ok. As we said, nobody is perfect.
However, every time you do this, try to become aware to the fact that it’s harming to your perception and your relationships.
Resist the urge and use the psychological tool of judgment for the purpose it is meant for.
Source: Conscious Reminder;