I work out a lot. It’s not about the exercises but about the energy I put in them. I give 200% from my energy every time I exercise.
Many times it feels like torture and it probably is.
Why do I torture myself?
I thought about this subject for a long time, why do I torture myself. As one day, I was fast-hiking to reach the top of a mountain close to where I live I realized something.
In the midst of that hike, that uphill hell, I imagine that when I reach the top everything is going to be better.
The sun will shine, a beautiful music will play, I will be free to feel pleasures and rest in that happiness, with my friends and some girl that I’ll love.
However, that paradise exists only in the midst of that hell. Once I reach the top that paradise seizes to exist. The reality is not that Disney like.
What I realized?
As I was hiking I realized that I am not torturing myself so I can reach the top, I am torturing myself because in the midst of that hell I can imagine a better life.
Imagine if you are left on a desert and you need to walk your way home. While you walk through that desert the one thing that’ll give you will to keep going is what you imagine the home will feel like, look like.
Many times in my life I felt nostalgic for that desert because when all stops, when I do not workout, when I do not work, when I am done with my day ready to go to sleep I don’t feel like I am home.
I feel like I’ve crossed the desert and ended up in a safe place but this safe place is NOTHING compared to the home that kept me going all these years.
So I keep on torturing myself.
I keep on fighting and creating wars inside my mind because I do not feel like I walked through the desert.
But I miss on all the chances around me, REAL chances to make my life the life I imagine in the midst of the hell.
I miss on them because I cannot stop fighting. I don’t know how.
This is because I cannot let go. But I must. I cannot let myself be guard less. But I must. I cannot focus on fixing the real problem. But I must.
So how do I stop fighting and start living?
The greatest secret of all is this: even though we torture ourselves for a better life, we are still in our comfort zone. That “hell” we intentionally create so we can push ourselves to our limits becomes our comfort zone.
Yes, one time in the past we needed to stretch those limits. And we did it. But now we must learn how to change direction and stretch different limits.
We need to focus on what we fight for and instead of imagining, actually do something to get what we want.
And the strangest thing is that escaping your comfort zone, even though your comfort zone is torture, is scarier than staying forever in it.
However, we must be courageous and do those simple steps in which we suck, so we can start getting better in something different in our life.
And it is scary because usually all we need to do is stop fighting. Start being gentle. Start loving. Become intimate with people. That’s scary for someone who fought hell for all those years.
Why is it scary?
It’s scary because we need to become intentionally vulnerable after we spent so much time becoming bulletproof. It’s scarier and tougher than torture no matter how less you need to do.
But we must be brave to be vulnerable.
We must face the possibility of getting hurt with our heads high, and even if we get hurt we need to stand our ground and keep going.
We need to fight with love and if we get hurt we need to love even stronger.
Because the truth is you are not getting weaker.
In the midst of that vulnerability you’ll find your greatest strength, and that’s how you push your limits even further.