Rouchelle Cota is one of the coaches that we found this month and we did a little interview with her. She impressed us with her honesty and passion for helping.
She was in a very dark emotional place few years ago after discovering her husband’s addiction.
She went through hell and back, blaming herself and thinking what she did wrong. But with the help of her community she found ways how to heal the deepest parts of her self that were infested with anger and resentment. Sometimes we realize something bad about others who are dear to us and we believe it is us to blame. And that leaves big emotional scars within that we carry with ourselves. But we don’ have to.
She says that we need to realize that we cannot change other people. The only person we can change and we are responsible for, is ourselves. Now she helps other people find ways how to heal in the same way she did. Here is what she said.
Meet Life Coach Rouchelle Cota:
Name: Rouchelle Cota
Pillar: The Mind, The Heart
Who is this coach for: Anyone who has been through tough emotional times and wants to heal, to learn how to keep the focus on themselves, and reach their goals.
How they can help: By using NLP and different creative methods like acrylic painting, coloring, calligraphy, just to name a few.
First of all, how are you and your family doing in these Pandemic times?
We are doing well, much better than during the Pandemic.
I am so grateful that times have gotten better.
At the time, I was a home maker, so I wasn’t affected by job security.
However, my husband was a Peace Officer, so his position was still necessary although they still had to follow the mandates by the state (i.e., wearing a mask, social distancing, etc.)
It was a very scary time with all the uncertainty happening in the world.
We didn’t really know how long the shutdown would last or how his job would be affected long term.
We were very worried about him contracting the virus since he had contact with the public and he worked in close proximity with his colleagues.
If he were to get the virus, he would bring it home and family members would get it before he even knew he had it.
How does the coronavirus pandemic affect your clients? Did it affect you at all?
It was at this time that I decided to start my coaching business, so I really wasn’t affected by the Pandemic.
I attended a Conference, and the host asked such a profound question that it changed the trajectory of my retirement.
He asked, “Do you have a message? If you do, then you have a moral obligation to get it out into the world.”
It was at that point in time that I realized that I did have a message to get out into the world.
There was so much pain and despair, so much isolation and loneliness, and self-harm and suicides were increasing.
I needed to find a way to share my message with the world so that people would be aware of the dangers of pornography, how it harms people of all ages and of the shame and self hatred that porn addicts feel.
What are the biggest lessons that you learned in this pandemic?
I learned that anything is possible.
Although there have been some tragically sad things happen, I have seen a lot of good things come out of this situation.
Opportunities have been created that weren’t available before like Virtual learning.
More people have access to this than ever.
There are also more ways to earn an income than before because you don’t have to travel.
You can do it all online.
Reaching out is so much easier too.
You can actually see people face to face through virtual meetings.
Tell us about you, your career, how you started with your coaching career?
I worked as a Police Dispatcher aka. Call Taker for many years and during that time, they had created a Peer Support group to provide mental and emotional support for those personnel that had taken traumatic calls.
I was blessed to have been chosen as one of the mentors.
This is really where my passion began.
I learned that I really enjoyed being able to support people during their time of need.
I found it rewarding to help people get grounded after the call and out of the despair they experienced days or even weeks later after the call took place.
After experiencing an emotional trauma myself about 12 years ago, I hit my rock bottom.
It was just a year later that I decided I didn’t want anyone to go through what I had so I chose to mentor others that were in similar situations.
Although it isn’t possible to pay back everything I’ve gotten, I did it gratis because I wanted to give back to the community for all they did for me at the worst time in my life.
What was your biggest obstacle that you had to overcome in your life that made you who you are today?
About 12 years ago, I was affected by a very traumatic situation aka the discovery of my husband’s pornography addiction.
I struggled with depression and despair.
Anxiety was my best friend and panic seemed to drive my every move.
I became hypervigilant about everything because fear overwhelmed me.
During that time, I had learned that those last few years I had been living a LIE.
I was shocked and devastated. I couldn’t function, mentally, emotionally, physically.
I had no idea that pornography addiction even existed.
During that time, I had to learn more about myself than ever before.
I had to go deeper to discern the true reasons for these monumental emotions and how to manage the chaos in my mind and in my life.
I did this by keeping the focus on myself.
I had to learn that I didn’t cause his addiction, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it.
In order to survive and thrive, the focus remains on me and my growth, what I need to be happy and how to fill my cup in a positive way.
I do that through giving back to others who need help.
The Coaching Style:
How do you innovate with coaching your clients?
I have incorporated NLP and creative expression through Art into my coaching.
Although I am not certified in either, I think it is important to utilize methods that help integrate our learning and creative expression through art is very effective in doing that.
I used it myself to heal a very deep part of myself where anger and resentment lived.
At that time, I couldn’t access those emotions any other way. It was so transformative for me that I would love for everyone to experience this.
What’s unique about your coaching approach?
I mentioned creative expression through Art earlier.
There is healing that goes on when you can go into this trance like state and just focus on the pleasure of doing what you enjoy.
You literally get lost in the flow of creativity.
When you focus on the intent and combine that part of the healing process, it just brings about a degree of healing that we can’t usually access through other methods.
What benefits do your clients get after working with you?
I help them keep the focus on themselves.
We can’t change anyone but ourselves.
I help them learn how to detach with love from their partner.
I help them create action plans, so their goals become attainable.
I help them create their own space for healing through creative expression.
Do you use any specific tools to be efficient with your clients?
NLP and different creative methods (acrylic painting, coloring, calligraphy, etc.)
If you had a super megaphone that, when you speak into, the whole world will hear your message, what would you say?
I want people to know how damaging pornography can be to everyone.
Pornography is damaging to individuals and relationships especially children.
Heal yourself to break the cycle of pain.
It’s crucial, especially if you have children, because if you don’t, you will just carry the pain forward to the next generation and group of people that interact with them.
Your children and loved ones will continue to suffer the pain you have. It is time for a new cycle, a cycle of joy.
What is the greatest lesson you have learned in your life?
I have learned that whatever action I take or don’t take affects others.
It affects those around me such as family members, loved ones, collegues, neighbors, friends, etc.
In order to make the world a better place, I have to work on myself and heal my own hurts.
They say HURT people hurt people.
This is so true.
It has been a life long vision that I can heal myself and show my children that they can do it too.
I don’t want to carry forward generational pain.
I want the cycle to stop with me.
I would very much like others to be aware of that and take action as well.
Your final thoughts?
I want people to know there is H.O.P.E.
Which stands for Hold On, Pain Ends.
There is hope of healing, even if you have a partner that has an addiction.
It does take time and a lot of work, but it is doable.
There is a way to rebuild the future and there are people out there that are willing to help you.
Where Can You Find Rouchelle Cota?
If you liked this interview and you would love to see how Rouchelle can help you heal, keep the focus on yourself and reach your goals, contact her at [email protected].